Beneath An Empty Sky
by daiyaonna
Summary: Why does Inuyasha really want to become a demon? InuSess, nonyaoi


Dislcaimer: I do not own anything. Give credit to where it's due.

Author's Note: I found this sitting in the back of my computer and decided to post it. I hope the grammar is better than before because I wrote this when I was in middle school (YEARS ago). Enjoy!

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_**Beneath An Empty Sky**_

_"'Niisan-" The voice was small and quiet, but the distinction in the tone was unmistakable; he sounded frightened._

_"What?" A boyish face too familiar for words peeked from behind the cracked door, dark eyes full of a strange sadness that was unrecognizable. The elder youth sitting in the center of the four-poster bed glanced up, a tiny smile revealing the sharp fangs melted with his other gleaming teeth in the dim light._

_"Can I…may I speak with you, Otouto-san?" Silver hair cascaded over his shoulders as he moved towards the edge of the mattress._

_"Yes, of course." A blur flashed across the room as the younger boy made a mad dash from the doorway into the room, and before he could blink, he found a lithe body clinging to his own, a head pressed into his chest and tiny fingers curling into the loose kimono he wore. The silence that followed was unbearable, but it soon evaporated into soft mewling cries that sounded more like the call of an injured cat than a sob. The older brother glanced down, sympathy reflecting in his golden eyes. "What's wrong?"_

_"Look at me, 'niisan. Look at me," he murmured, pulling away to stare up at him with large orbs of liquid black as a hand uncurled from the folds in his robes to tug at the mane hanging in a dark curtain around his tear-stained face. "Look at this!" _

_"What is there to see? I can only find you," he replied, smiling gently, trying to comfort him. The other hastily shook his head. _

_"I…I'm different, otouto-san. I want to be more like you. I want…" He trailed off, turning away to hide the shame sliding down his cheeks. Fingers gripped his chin, sharp fingernails gently stroking the smooth skin of his jaw. _

_"You should be proud of who you are. Don't try to be what you are not." It was difficult to say those words, even harder to think them, but he wanted his half-brother to understand that desiring to be another was just as worse as truly being oneself. It was a lesson he had learned the hard way._

_"I don't try, 'niisan. I feel weak. I am weak. No one likes me…" The slender youth bit back another sob, his eyes downcast even as his brother moved his fingers from his face to his hair. Pale digits stroked through the silken raven locks and over the small ears that differed from his angular ones._

_"You speak lies. This is but one obstacle you must over come as a youkai. There will be many others, and this is not as bad as you think," he soothed, cradling the fragile skull in his hands._

_He had the sudden urge to crush it._

"_What youkai, even hanyou, would turn into a human on the night of a new moon, 'niisan? The others liked to make fun and pull my ears. I bit them for it." _

_There was a low chuckle._

_"Even as a human you are fearsome," he chortled, earning a snort of distaste from his younger brother. "Do not worry. You can do what you want…human or otherwise." _

_A smile brightened the childish face streaked with drying tears. _

_"Do you mean that?" Arms encircled the body, pulling him closer even as lithe limbs wrapped tightly around his waist._

_"As long as I am your brother," he replied softly, kissing the top of the other's head gently. There was a quiet yawn._

_"Then…then I'm going to become a youkai…just like you. We'll be together forever," he snuggled closer, "forever…oniisan."_

Sesshomaru cursed at the ridiculous memory trying to slip through his facade as his right hand curled around the hilt of the Tenseiga, his thoughts askew. He hadn't recalled that particular night in years, and it was a miracle he had remembered it at all, though he didn't have the desire or need to. The youkai lord had only been thirteen at the time, fourteen at the most, and promises made had been hopes shattered. He no longer cared for the abomination he had once called brother, and the hate had grown to a bitter loathing for what he did not have and the other possessed…

Tetsusaiga.

Glancing down at the outline of the sword given to him by his father before his 'unfortunate' death, the anger growing beneath the calmed pretense inside him erupted into a blinding volcano of rage.

Had he not been eldest born? Did he not deserve the right to hold the most powerful weapon known throughout the youkai world?

His own blade could never be used to the extent the Tetsusaiga had been, and besides, it was useless to him. He could draw nothing from it, and the edge wasn't even sharp enough to cut through flesh; that had been proven the moment he'd tested its strength against his loyal, yet annoying, minion Jaken. To say that he was merely jealous would have been an understatement, but Sesshomaru would never admit to envying a half-breed wolf cub that was spawn of a human female, no matter their relation to each other.

Tilting his head back to stare at the partially darkened sky, a soft breeze filtered around his stoic body, sliding long tresses of silver hair entangled with the silken white fur of his tail over his shoulder. His life felt surreal to him, as though it were pointless to try surviving, but tonight would be the turning point of everything that had happened thus far. Staring deeply past the cloud-sprinkled atmosphere, Sesshomaru felt a smile curving his lips.

There was no moon. It was the eve of the new cycle, and this was his brother's period of weakness.

Perhaps that had been the trigger of his latent memories with the younger hanyou, but one thing was certain for the resilient youkai, he would have his revenge, even if it meant gouging out his hated sibling's heart with the dulled blade of the Tenseiga.

From his position on the solid tree branch beneath his feet, Sesshomaru noticed the quickly approaching pair of twin dragons, their sharp-toothed snouts muzzled and feet bound to the roaming swirl of smoke beneath them, from a distance away. He knew that his pets flew undetected, and the messenger aboard hopefully brought news that he craved to hear. He could not afford to spend any more time dallying over unimportant details. Leaping to the ground, he gracefully landed without so much as a twig snapping and watched with growing anticipation as the paired beasts settled against the earth, their heads tossing back, flowing manes fluttering in the wind.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!" The voice was squeaky and undoubtedly unmissed, but the information his small, green ally carried would presently dissolve the mood he had drifted into because of the memories he had recollected.

"Jaken," he stated flatly, a displeasing tone evident in the name he spoke. "I trust that you brought something worth my attention." He trailed off and left his unstated threat at that.

"Of course, Lord Sesshomaru!" came the nasally reply as a tiny youkai no higher than mid-way up his calf jumped from the back of the dragons, followed promptly by a skinny, pale-skinned creature he almost didn't recognize in the growing darkness.

His faithful companion stood proudly beside him, tiny staff carried high, and Sesshomaru felt a weight clinging to his leg, instantly plastering the loose pants he wore to his body. A strange emotion flooded through him as he gazed down at the petite human child hugging him, and he had to withdraw the urge to kick at her. Time had passed since he had resurrected her from the dead; that had been the only time the Tenseiga had been useful to him. He still could not figure out why he had drawn the blade in the first place, or why she still followed him around, but she was much more welcome company than Jaken. She hardly spoke a word, and if she did, it was only to say his name or a whispered 'thank you.'

"Well? I tire of your insolence, Jaken." Sesshomaru pulled his eyes away from the thin girl, unable to dwell further on the thoughts of indecisive feelings.

"Of course! I apologize, Lord Sesshomaru! I followed them as you told me to. They are staying at a local dojo not too far from here!"

"No one saw you?"

"Of course not, Lord Sesshomaru! I was-"

"Good," he replied, cutting him off as he kneeled to face the human child staring up at him with large doe eyes. "Stay here with Jaken. I won't be gone long."

She nodded obediently and stood on her toes to kiss him lightly on his cheek, a pink blush running across her face as she pulled away and smiled before running back to the dragons curled together in sleep in hopes of finding shelter amidst them. Sesshomaru drew back, slightly abashed at the show of affection from the usually quiet girl and sighed, glancing back up at the sky. The star-spotted blanket of faded indigo almost seemed to be laughing at him for his half-hearted attempt.

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

That was the cue for him to start moving.

When Jaken began to ask questions, things tended to get a little too complicated, and it was always easier to have the miniature youkai do his bidding without giving him too much detail concerning the matter. He was too nosy for his own good.

"I should return before dawn, Jaken. If anything happens, I will know. Stay on your guard!" The wolf demon began to walk in the direction they had first come from, his mind full of murderous and vengeful intentions even as the smaller youkai answered him.

"As you desire, Lord Sesshomaru!"

Everything eventually faded away, leaving Sesshomaru in complete silence as he jumped up, swirling cloud and shimmering light surrounding him as he propelled himself through the air.

Tonight would be perfect.

Inuyasha would finally get what he deserved and Sesshomaru would walk away with all that he desired.

* * *

"Inuyasha?" The soft masculine voice disrupted his thoughts, and the white haired hanyou glared distastefully at the familiar body beside him as the monk maneuvered to sit down. He turned away as soon as he realized that his only male companion wasn't going to leave him alone and returned to gazing at the trickling stream in front of him, cherry blossoms floating in the crystal-clear water.

"What is it that you want, Miroku? Did Kagome send you out here to retrieve me or were you trying to molest Sango again?" There was a small tinkering as the Buddhist placed his staff on the ground before he stretched out completely onto his back.

"Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself, Inuyasha. I was just concerned. You hardly said anything all day."

"What? I can't be quiet, now? Is there some 'holy' law forbidding that?"

Miroku chuckled softly.

"No. I was just-"

"Concerned. yeah, I know," he interrupted, tilting his head to glance at his friend. Although he was known more for his perverted antics than anything else, Inuyasha would not have anyone but the other fighting beside him. The monk could be fiercer than thousands of savage youkai, and his kazaana was a miracle in itself. He didn't want to think about the consequences if Miroku hadn't been there to suck attacking demons into his hellish wind tunnel centered in the middle of his right palm time after time, but sometimes…

Sometimes, he just felt sorry for him.

"So, what's so fascinating out here? I never suspected that you would just…" He cut himself off.

"Just what? If you're going to insult me then perhaps you should do it the right way."

Miroku looked him directly in the eyes.

"Forget I said anything, Inuyasha. I already know the answer to my question." He moved to stand, but the hanyou grabbed his wrist.

"What is it that you're trying to imply? Is it suddenly strange to find that I like being by myself? I never asked any of you on this quest!"

Miroku's dark eyes clouded over for a moment, as if he was thinking of something other than the present predicament, but they cleared before Inuyasha could think twice about it.

"No, it's not that. I was just going to ask if staying at this dojo was actually a good idea with the moon reaching its new phase." The half-demon youth threw his friend's hand out of his grasp and turned back towards the forgotten stream, his arms crossed in a pout.

"What do you know of that, Miroku? You've never cared about it before." The monk bent over to retrieve his staff and dusted off his robes as he quickly glanced at the setting sun and slowly darkening sky.

"Neither have you. Just watch yourself, Inuyasha. I sense something foreboding about this place. Remember that you aren't alone, and that we're here to help you."

His sitting companion snorted.

"You sound like I'm going to die. Just leave it alone, Miroku. It's not a big deal."

"If you say it isn't then I believe you. On second thought, you might be safer down here than up at the temple until nightfall. The priests were asking about you."

As soon as Inuyasha was sure Miroku had retreated far enough from hearing distance, he flopped onto his back, sighing heavily even as the hilt of the Tetsusaiga dug into his hip. If it was up to him, he would take the sword from its sheath and chuck it as far away as he could despite the power it wielded over him. Ever since he had received it, things had inadvertently turned towards the worst; youkai had been after them, for both the weapon and the shards of the Shikon no Tama, and his brother was forever plaguing him. He had not gotten a moment's rest since the incident with Sesshomaru weeks past when he had tried to fight him in hopes to break the Tetsusaiga. As much as he hated to admit it, his sibling was a more powerful fighter when it came to brute strength and strategic intelligence, but he could take out a nasty chunk with his sharpened claws.

Inuyasha had only wanted a normal life, one where he was a full-fledged youkai without the hindrances of being half demon and not plagued by certain human women who worried too much, but he had forgotten what that dream really was supposed to be like. He could not remember when he had first promised himself that becoming something other than hanyou, who shifted into a weaker human form at the beginning of every moon cycle, was what he had wanted, but it had somehow been implanted into his mind. It was something he craved more than anything, almost as if he were trying to prove himself for someone else. The only way to reach his goal was to defeat the evil demon Naraku and gather the remaining shards of the Sacred Jewel to procure his wish. Thus far, it hadn't been an easy task, and he was afraid that he was starting to loose faith in the only thing he had strove to believe in.

Shifting from his laying position, Inuyasha rolled to his side, lightened eyes lifting to stare at the rapidly fading colors of the sunset. He could already feel the changes within his body, and a strange tingling was vibrating through the tips of his fingers, making his hair nearly stand on end. The transformation wouldn't completely take effect until the sky was entirely immersed in blackness, but from the way his senses of sight, smell, and hearing were slowly diminishing, he knew the alteration from hanyou to human wasn't far away. He always hated this part of his life. Although he had somewhat missed it the fifty years he had been imprisoned against the wood of a tree by the priestess Kikyo's enchanted arrow, he still couldn't get used to losing the powers he originally possessed being a half demon. The Tetsusaiga almost seemed useless to him as well, though it was stronger in the hands of a human than anyone else.

Slowly, he closed his eyes, drifting into a somewhat sustained slumber as the final changes ranged throughout his body. His silken dog ears evaporated on the sides of his head into flat pieces of flesh against his skull. His eyes faded into a dull illustrious black, his hair melting from pacifist white into a fluid raven that matched his dark surroundings. The illusions of the night around him became real, much more so than before, and Inuyasha thought he was going crazy. Crickets chirped loudly beside him, but they sounded miles away, and the near ripple of filtered water echoed a faint murmur in his heart. He had never felt so alone as he did during the shift from hanyou to human, and his emotions, having been tripled ten fold, left him vulnerable enough to cry.

Inuyasha cursed the stupidity of the thought even as he sat up enough to crawl towards the stream a short distance away. A boyish face flickered back at him from his reflection in the clear liquid. Drawing his sword as quickly as he could, he slashed at the image, yelling, shouting, and screaming as fiercely as he could muster, hating the facade, hating himself, and in that moment, he wanted to die.

He couldn't take the pretending anymore.

The loneliness was too much to bear in his breaking consciousness.

He had no heart.

As quickly as lightning striking the earth, he brought the blade to his throat.

He was a coward.

With one quick flick of his wrist, he could end all his torment in a single blow. No more grief, no more cowardice, no more running from unacceptable fears. Yet, he could not bring himself to draw the nicked metal across his skin. Inuyasha could already feel the blood running down his chest and soaking into the red and white kimono, staining it an even darker crimson, but something was holding him back from taking the plunge. He cried desperately, tears non-existent, and he grabbed the hilt with both hands, threatening himself to pull it or he would drown instead.

The water looked too inviting.

He sat without motion for a long period of time. He could not judge as to how many hours had passed, and yet, his sanity remained to elude him. He couldn't figure out why he wanted to end his life. He'd given up on trying to think. It was obvious in the way the Tetsusaiga's blade quivered against the sensitive flesh of his throat that it called out to him to just let go and end his mortal suffering now, while he had the chance.

Somewhere in his unreasonable contemplation, Inuyasha knew that the sword would not have fallen into his hands if the intentions of its use would have been for self-annihilation, but he didn't care anymore. No one was here to see him. They would think nothing less of him if he made it quick and painless, but he had somehow thought that his death would have been prolonged, painful even.

_"Do it,"_ an eerie voice whispered to him over the roaring silence, chilling the remainder of his soul to ice. _"It'll make my task much easier and sufficient."_

Inuyasha shivered at the tone, full of malice and heated hatred, but he couldn't determine if it was his conscience trying to convince him or someone else. It sounded vaguely familiar. Shivering, his eyes stared down at the glistening blade, hope lying on its edges

Only one small movement, and everything would be over.

_"What are you waiting for, fool? Draw the blade. Make yourself bleed. It's what you want. You know it is so why do you deny it? Are your human emotions controlling your thoughts? How weak! Draw the damnable blade! Kill yourself, and end it quickly!"_

Frustrated, Inuyasha screamed, pain filling his lungs as the air ripped from his body, and he pulled the Tetsusaiga away, the blade trembling before being whipped around and pointed at the tree branches wavering in the wind.

"My 'human emotions' have nothing to do with any of this! Show yourself…or are you afraid, Sesshomaru?" A strange and unsatisfying smile befell his lips as the graceful form of his brother appeared from behind the grown shadows, and the laugh building in his throat threatened to fall.

"Never afraid, Inuyasha," he sneered, loose tendrils of hair escaping from behind his pointed ears as the wind picked up, and the half youkai shook his head, fingers tightening drastically on the hilt of his sword.

"Then what? You've stooped low enough to spying like a simple human. Why not be afraid like one?"

Sesshomaru momentarily vanished, his sight too slow in the form he was in to track it, and a moment later, he re-materialized behind him, startling him enough to make him drop the Tetsusaiga.

His reflexes and reactions were even slower.

"A simple human? I, unlike you, am a youkai. I have the will to do as I please while you are…" He left the sentence hanging in the air even as he gestured, riling Inuyasha's anger. Both pairs of eyes flickered over the sword before both of them lunged, Sesshomaru's movements much more graceful, but Inuyasha's tactics were just as useful. There hands met and clashed, the poison of a well-trained youkai filtering through the touch that lasted for a second and then no more as the younger of the duo fell back, clutching at his hand as his flesh began to burn. He spit a curse, the pain more realistic than he could have ever remembered it being, and he let out a strangled yelp mixed with a snarled snicker as he watched his older brother attempt to retrieve the Tetsusaiga from its position on the ground.

"Have you forgotten that only those with human blood can wield it? If so, you're more stupid than even I gave you credit for being, Sesshomaru!" There was a hiss, and then, a weight was pushing him into the ground, fingers curling around his throat.

"If I cannot pick up the damned sword, then I will kill you and use your own arm to do it! You left me like this…crippled and defenseless with only-" Inuyasha kicked up, landing an awkward blow to the back of the youkai lord's head with his foot, and he rolled, blindly lashing out with a fist, hoping that it would hit something. It did, earning a grunt from Sesshomaru, and they continued to twist, fighting against each other in the dirt like ravaging dogs.

Claws ripped into his unprotected skin, leaving four bloodied gashes, and Inuyasha elbowed his brother in the face, satisfaction welling up within him when he felt the wet spurt of blood shower his clothing. He pulled back, preparing to attack again while he had the upper hand, but he suddenly felt the absence of his brother's presence beside him, and Inuyasha lifted his head up, weakened eyes darting around quickly.

"COWARD! Why are you running? Isn't this what you wanted? To fight me? TO KILL ME!" He whirled around, as if trying to broadcast his offer everywhere so that it wasn't missed. "Come on, Sesshomaru! Here's your chance! I'll-"

"Do you even know why you want to become a youkai, Inuyasha?" The voice was close, almost against him, and he turned so fast he fell, his head spinning with the speed. His brother's shadow cast over him.

"What are you talking about? Wait. Why are you even talking? Fight me! I'm your enemy!" Inuyasha felt something brush against his cheek, and he could have sworn it was Sesshomaru's hand.

"You used to disagree with me, Inuyasha…all the time. Are you so desperate to die?"

"Where are all these damn questions coming from? I haven't the time to play this infuriating game with you. Fight me!"

"Still fearsome…even as a human," he murmured, observant eyes watching over the form that was his younger sibling.

Inuyasha froze.

Those words…

They sounded so familiar.

"Are you deaf?" His voice wavered -he knew it, Sesshomaru knew it- but he wouldn't give up without trying; he was too stubborn for it. "I said fight me! Why won't you fight me!"

"It was always that way with you. No one wanted to fight with you because you were only half youkai so you instigated arguments with me. Even now, the habit hasn't died. I remember-" Sesshomaru cut himself off, and despite the darkness, Inuyasha could see the disdain on his face as clear as day.

There was a sound of disgust.

"What? What is it that you remember? That you hate me more than any human? That you'd rather see the Tetsusaiga broken in two than know that I possess the power to hold it? What is it that you remember, Sesshomaru? Because I sure as hell can't read your mind!"

"It didn't have to be this way, Inuyasha. It never had to be this way." The hanyou bit his lip even as he edged back, sliding across the ground to put some space between them, but Sesshomaru seemed to gain more space the further he moved away.

"W-what…I don't understand…I…" His heart nearly exploded as he felt strong arms band around him, and he knew he must have died because Sesshomaru couldn't be touching him this way; not the fierce, human-hating youkai lord who wished to rule the demon world. His brother couldn't be hugging him…

Could he?

"I know you're scared," he whispered, his breath brushing against his neck as he softly rubbed his head against the other's. "But I'm here for you. I'm you're brother, Inuyasha. No matter how hard I try to deny your existence, you're my brother just as I am yours."

Inuyasha froze, his body unsure of how to react to this strange and completely new expression in emotion, and he allowed Sesshomaru to run his fingers through his hair, not quite accepting but not struggling.

The feeling seemed all too familiar.

"I-I don't…"

"Together…together forever…both of us as youkai. Now do you remember why you wanted to become something other than a hanyou who changed into a human during a new moon? Do you remember how you would always come to me, seeking protection from-"

"From the jerks that made fun of me and pulled my ears? Kami-sama…" With the realization, an indefinable sensations ran through Inuyasha and he shuddered, arms instinctually wrapping around the warmth already pressed to him, returning the embrace Sesshomaru was trying to share. All the years of wandering alone, afraid to trust, and he done it all just be with his brother…

"When I saw you sitting there with the Tetsusaiga at your throat…the things I said…it was going back on all those things I had told you, and I…" Sesshomaru swallowed harshly; he had never been good at words, and this dilemma was rather new to him. It had been more than a decade since he'd held his younger brother in his arms.

"I understand. I don't even know why. It was hopeless…all of it. I didn't care about becoming a youkai anymore. I just didn't-" If there had been any moment in his life where he was at an all time low, this had to be it. He felt completely exposed and weak before his brother, and somehow, he was letting him down. It was an incredible spirit-crushing guilt, and he did the worst thing he could have ever thought of doing.

He began to cry.

The years of pent-up frustration and loneliness, as well as misbegotten love and abused emotions that had been tossed about in the wind like fallen leaves, racked his body in the form of thick sobs and glistening tears as he clung to his brother, weeping without abandon. He was tired of pretending, and almost making the biggest mistake of his life after making so many before hand caused the portion of sanity he had managed to salvage to snap. Inuyasha gripped tightly to his brother as though he were his only life line, and Sesshomaru responded in kind, soothing him as he had that night long ago, running fingers through his ink black hair and whispering comforting words to him. No matter how much they had grown, Sesshomaru still remained the older brother, wiser and stronger, and Inuyasha clung to him for support.

"You can do what you want…do as you will…as you wish…as long as I'm your brother…oniisan," Sesshomaru whispered, fingers brushing at the tears sliding down his face before he brought them to his lips and tasted the saltiness of them with the tip of his tongue. The endearment sounded foreign to both of them, but neither seemed to care.

"Oniisan…" Inuyasha leaned up, pressing a kiss briefly to his mouth before pulling away, a part of his soul almost disintegrating with his departure. "This changes nothing, you know. The others…they mustn't think that we-"

"I understand. I look forward to killing you, Inuyasha." It almost seemed like there was regret in his exhausted voice, and Inuyasha tried replying, but a shrill female cry cut him off.

"Inuyasha! Inuyasha, are you alright! Miroku said that he heard you screaming!" Kagome's familiar face appeared close to his from out of the darkness, and Inuyasha's weakened eyes flickered to where Sesshomaru was standing to no longer find him there.

His heart sank.

"I'm fine. Who said I was screaming!" he replied sarcastically, hastily picking up the Tetsusaiga and sheathing it in a fluid motion even as he unconsciously searched for his brother's presence. He knew he wouldn't find him. Sesshomaru hated confrontations with the humans he kept company with almost as much as he did.

"But…are you sure?"

He scowled at her.

"Of course! Are you saying that I'm lying? What is it with you people today?" he asked sharply even as they began to walk back towards the dojo at the top of the hill, his thoughts preoccupied.

From his position in the nearest tree, Sesshomaru watched their movements and heard their bickering with ease, his senses sharper than most youkai. A smile somehow found its way onto his lips.

His sibling was in a world apart from his own, and no matter what attempt they made at salvaging a relationship, it would always be more difficult and hard to be accepted as being what they were by blood. Sesshomaru pressed his fingers to his mouth, the tang of Inuyasha's tears still evident, and he held his only arm out, the wind rubbing across his skin.

"I love you…otouto-san." His vision picked up on the way the other's head turned, as if looking for him, and he knew that he had heard his words, if not verbally than spiritually.

In their hearts, they were brothers, bound by the ties of promises that had yet to be fulfilled, but beneath the sky, they were enemies.

**End**


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